Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The streak continues: part 2

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit.


Had been extremely busy last week. Attended interviews and finally accepted this job on Monday. The terms and conditions of employment wasn't that bad actually. The only slack part is that the HQ is based in Cyberjaya!This were the responses I received when I told my mates that I accepted a position as an "Assistant Business Development Manager"

  • "Finally!It's bout time!"
  • "Finally got off your fat arse huh"
  • "JEE GID DEK(my latest nickname)!What? you're working??"
I started my first day of work today, as of 29th November 2005. It wasn't that bad considering I had a lot of catching up and preparation to do. I had to study profiles of my company, my customers and my potential customers. At the same time I was also trying to familiarize myself with the company workflow systems.

My weekend was rather quite interesting. One of my childhood girl friend who's like a lil sis to me (I knew her since she was a little girl), came back from Australia so decided to take her out clubbing. Decided to do it because she recently broke up with her BF and the fact that she's as heartbroken as I am. And what better medicine fitting for heartbroken terrestrials than partying your night away along with your tears?Sounded good to her so we decided to head down to Poppi/Passion. I made some arrangements to meet my other friends there as well. When you reach my age, you tend to assume that ALL your peers and ALL your friends are of legal age to enter clubs. Wrong thing to do!When we reached there, she REMINDED me again that she was 2 months sort of her 21st b'day and that sort of like triggered some kind of realization which I can't explain. But then we decided to test our luck. Since I was a black star, our luck wasn't that good, needless to say, even with some tactical persuasion and negotiation. We ended up in Terrace Bar to have drinks there and then to Loft, Zouk. My friends started calling me, asking where where I was. I did meet up with them EVENTUALLY but at bout 2.00AM and the club closes at 3AM. I had to explain myself and I also did relate this scenario to my other friends that I couldn't go in due to the fact that I was with an "underaged" girl, these were the top 3 response:

  1. Pimpin them young aye?
  2. Sensi Driver is a SISTER SLAMMER!
  3. That one your chick ar? -_-'

The spotlight of my week (eventhough its a Tuesday)
My bad luck streak continued but this time it boiled over to extreme levels and here's how the story went.....
My new car came last Sunday *wwoohhooo*. Today, as mentioned above, was my first day at work AND my first day driving my dashing new car on a full scale. Everything was going smoothly until when I was on my way back from work. I was on the middle lane of LDP (slightly before the Kelana Jaya LRT station) heading towards Damansara Jaya when I noticed this motorcycle driven by this machan, sped in front of me, then slowed down and hogged the whole lane as if the road was his father's. I couldn't over take him as there were a lot of cars on both opposite lanes since it was peak hour for traffic jam. I was cursing all the way!What the fuck was he trying to do?He kept looking back so I roughly could guess something must have happened behind. Then suddenly, on the right lane, I noticed this white colour kancil drove past me and the machan on the motorcycle approached the car (mind you people, traffic was moving and wasn't on a standstill) at a distance and started cursing and shouting (complimented by hand actions). What unfolded next was the "champion". The white kancil actually swirled into my lane, thus hitting the machan in front of me! The best part is that it was done on purpose! He lost his balance and fell in the middle of the road....RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! I slammed the breaks as hard as I could. My tires started screeching and before I knew it, my car came to a complete halt. I was a little bit disoriented from the fear of running over the machan. After recovery, I realised that his motorcycle was under my car (luckily only my car front skirting) while he was lying on the road. If that wasn't enough, the car was parked horizontally, thus blocking 2 lanes of heavy traffic. To my horror, a malay OFFICE LADY (mind you all, she was dressed in white shirt with black pinstripe slack...she looked quite hot and appealing though...with a nice fit body I might add) came out of the car. She slammed her car door and started screwing the daylight out of the machan while he was lying on the road till he got up and picked up his motorcycle which was stuck under my car. The machan was not so man after all. He didn't say a word to her nor looked at her nor send any body language signals!he was literally emotionless. He looked as if he was scared of her. What happened next was beyond my knowledge as I fled the scene. Didn't want to get involve plus the fact I was late for an appointment. I didn't thought that the damage was that great as well. Nevertheless, while driving there, my front car axel started to sound when I take corners. Nevermind!After reaching my destination, I checked the extend of the damage to my car properly. My back bumper was scratched (I figured the car behind of me couldn't stop on time) but thankfully no cracks while one of the covers for the foglamp brackets on the skirting broke. The skirting was scratched as well.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!MY NEW CAR!

If you thought that was the end of my day, think again. After getting home from a long day's work, I came home to this notice to collect a registered letter for me . Supposedly this letter was sent by post laju EXPRESS. The clock showed 9.35pm and the centre closes at 10pm. It seemed quite urgent so I rushed to the collection centre all the way in breakfields. My bearings around KL is pretty bad but luckily I brought along a navigator. Even then, we still got lost but eventually found the place at 9.50pm. I parked the car, got down and ran towards the centre across the road to collect the letter, anxiously anticipating whatever important news that awaits. After collection, I opened the letter...

ONLY TO FIND A FUCKING INVITE TO SOME FUCKING EVENT

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Weekend renderings

Most of us regard good luck as our right, and bad luck as a betrayal of that right.

I need a change in luck! This streak of bad luck has been on me for way too long. Over the weekend, my Internet modem and my Astro got struck by lightning. The nights were extra lonely and boring for me as I was deprived of modern technology that has so far been a revelation to my life. If that wasn't enough, I contracted the fucking flu bug AGAIN!I actually recovered from it 2 weeks ago. My nose is dripping like a running tap and my throat just wouldn't stop itching, thus causing me to cough vigorously and now, plus a fucking irritating hiccup that just won't go away. The last time I had a bad hiccup, it continued for 3 straight days. I couldn't even sleep because of it! Anyway, I couldn't wait for my replacement modem to come so decided to buy another one. Here is a recap of my "sort of" meaningful weekend.

On Saturday night, I attended one of my close girlfriend's wedding. It was good catching up with some of them whom I haven't seen in ages. We use to be such a close knitted group during our uni days. It was good seeing them especially one of my girlfriends whom I met there in Perth but hails from Indonesia and currently in China. She came down purposely just to attend this wedding. Our conversation took a turn to the relationship topic. They asked me bout my ex and I told them that I broke up. Guess this is the time of the year whereby relationships are broken. But the whole irony of it all is that 3(plus another girlfriend of mine who also recently broke off with her ex) of us were sitting together on the same table, attending a wedding. The food was good and the alcohol was poured by abundance. I was quite drunk before I left the place. I drank more than I ate. Signs of alcoholism coming back to haunt me?Let's hope not.

After the wedding, I proceeded to another friend's b'day event at chynna bar, making a few stops before actually reaching there. I had to pick up a few mates along the way before we rendezvous with the rest of the tribe. More drinks there!*ting* *ting* second round of alcoholism. One of my mate whom I shall decline revealing his identity due to the fact that most of my readers know him, was hitting on this girl who introduced herself as "Apple". My other mates and I were practically laughing our heads off to her name! Behind her back of course. To top it all up, she offered me *drum roll*

"APPLE FLAVOURED CIGARETTES"!
I just couldn't stop laughing after that. Well, he did manage to get her number by the end of the night but frankly speaking, he can do better than that. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he was under the influence of alcohol. Overall, the night was good. Almost everyone was drunk. Kudos to Kimmy for such an awesome party!

On my way back, I got stopped by the cops. The guy who stopp
ed me tried to make me bride him but I acted stupid by pretending not to get his hints. The breathalyzer indicated that my alcohol level was 50 and the limit is 80 but that S.O.B of a cop threatens me by saying that even though I was below the limit, he can take me back to the station and have a second test. He further threatened me by saying that the results can vary after a second test. Thank God I gave myself sometime to sober up before driving back. I was fucking tipsy but then again, I was sober enough to tell that it was fucking obvious that S.O.B was trying to get me to bribe him. He was giving me all his cock and bull stories that he came across people who were way above the limit but still can drive. On top of that, on his uniform, I noticed that he was wearing a "Saya anti-rasuah" badge (as shown below). How ironic was that? A corrupted cop supporting an anti-graft campaign. It’s such a refreshing thought knowing that these cops are assigned to roam our streets to keep us as citizens of this country safe.
*Note: I was being sarcastic on that last line. The Internet lacks the other communication elements such as body language, face expressions, voice intonation, etc etc. Hence, chances of misunderstanding might occur.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Singles mingles

Being single is pretty good. It's a nice sense of irresponsibility.

Haven't been updating my blog recently. Guess I was just too caught up with life of a single. I'm starting to think "hey! Being single is actually not that bad after all. It actually feels good to be single". I'm starting to enjoy singlehood and I don’t mind being single. Being single provides a certain freedom, independence, ample time to concentrate on personal growth, and eerrmm...did I mention freedom?Its like a life with no bars hold. I do whatever I like and whenever I like without having to worry bout the other person or answer to anyone but myself.

When I was still enduring the wars, a lot of things concerning her constantly hover in my mind. I always wonder what she's doing, whether she has eaten or not, did she get home safely from where ever she was and so on. Nowadays, its no more about the "WE" or "SHE" but more of the "I"; what shall I do today or where shall I go today or what shall I eat today?Nowadays, I noticed that I've been more out going and gregarious since I was free from her clutches. As a matter of fact, I haven't been holding back like I use to when I was with her and that feeling of freedom is just overwhelming. After all that's been said, I would be lying if I said I didn't miss her at all. In fact I miss her heaps but at the same time, I'm enjoying every minute of my single life.

I finally got my act together and started moving on with my life. I've applied for a few jobs and got replies. I've had an interview today with this advertising agency which is reknown for what it does in its industry. The interview went pretty well but when everything looked so certain, the manager had to burst my bubble by telling me that there was no vacancy at the moment as they're only planning to hire next year. I was flabbergasted. I mean what the fuck?In the first place, if there wasn't any position available, why fix an interview with me?So that I can add some autonomy to their sorry ass dead end boring job?I was quite annoyed. Felt that I wasted my time and effort. Nonetheless, all is not lost as I've got another interviewed set up next Wednesday with this IT company with MSC status. Actually the secretary called me up today to postpone the interview to the following Friday. For the first time in my life, I'm actually looking forward to venture out in the working world and I'm literally smiling bout it despite facing my first ever so-called rejection.

I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Matrimony personified in prose

If you love WOMEN and if you get married, then you just love WOMAN. I'm scared of getting that disease when you get married?onegina?I don't want to get stuck with onegina for the rest of my life.

I received another wedding invitation today. Apparently it was from one of my old housemate from Australia whom I've never kept in contact for the past 4 years. This is the second wedding invitation I received within a month. Then it really hit me. Peers of my age group are getting married and they're taking their lives to the next level. With marriage, comes great responsibility and commitment and most importantly, financial stability. I don't think I have the enough minerals to do just that. Being married and starting a family requires a totally different mindset or drive or perception to life which includes taking your maturity to the next level. Being married means that you're accountable for your family regardless of whatever decisions you make or take. You have to be the leader and the provider. The decisions and choices that you are forced to make and take, are even more crucial than those of a CEO of a multi billion dollar organization making important business decision.

Official census shows that Malaysians nowadays are getting married between the age of early 30s to mid 30s which is much later than the generations of our parents and the generation before them. If the census are accurate, then why are there so many people below that age bracket getting married?My judgement is not only based on the amount of invitations I get but rather the invitations my parents get, my friends get, the friends of my friends get and the list goes on.

Do we conform to pressure inflicted by society especially with our aunties and uncles at weddings telling us and our parents phrases like "when is your son's/daughter's turn?he/she is not young anymore" and they would proceed in telling you the age your grandparents got married? They were smart in doing the comparison but being obsolete fossilized imbeciles that they are, they are not keeping abreast with the tide of time. So what if we're not married?if they don't like it, then they can take it and shove it up their asses. First of all, the majority will eventually get married when they feel the time is right. We are NOT OBLIGED to get married as told. But then again, that's not the case for a lot of people out there as they perceive marriage as an obligation. The reason: Their biological clock is ticking.

The whole marriage thing is just so cliche. Everybody is expected to get married. People get married because their parents did it, their friends did it, their relatives did it and so on. The bottomline is that people get married because everyone else is doing it. If fate decides that marriage is just not my niche in life then I'll just have to accept the fact without any complaints. I wouldn't give a rat's ass even if I'm doom to live a life of celibacy. Besides, my family has been avid practitioners of celibacy. Out of 3 sisters, my mom is the only child in her family to get married. Therefore its not a new uncharted territory for me. Heck!From the rate my sister is going, she's very well on her way to join the celibacy club along with my two aunties. I might be one of them as well. Nothing is certain in life.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Conflict in conformity

Nothing hurts more than realising she meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to her

I've been hibernating within the four walls of my house for the past 2 days trying recuperate from this flu, cough and sore throat that had been bestowed upon me. Yesterday, I was actually feeling much better after having the much needed rest and with the adequate medication but when I was about to recover, I went over to one of my mate's place to have drinks. He was feeling really down and depressed over the same reason mentioned from my last posting. Yes its was the mate of mine who's ex is the french girl. I had vodka while he had whiskey. By the end of the night, we finished 1/4 of a bottle each. To my surprise, I wasn't really feeling high but rather feeling stoned. After drinking till bout 3am I came home and watched a little bit of TV and slept. The next day when I woke up, I felt even worse then before. I was coughing relentlessly, my flu was worse and my throat was sore like hell. My body felt like it had taken a serious beating. My limps were aching and my body was feeling lethargic. I was feeling crappy and I realised that I shouldn't do what I did last night after reading the instructions for my medication:

When administered concomitantly with alcohol, loratadine has no potentiating effects as measured by psychomotor performance studies.

While I was casually surfing on the net, I decided to do some random quiz to see what qualities I look for in the opposite sex that attracts me. The result is as below;

Your dating personality profile:
Outgoing - You can liven up any party. You've got a way with people and have little difficulty charming your dates.
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and
you aren't afraid to share your left- leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile:
Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw her out of her shell and get to know what she is all about.
Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind.


Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Practical
2. Shy
3. Intellectual
4. Traditional
5. Big-Hearted
6. Athletic
7. Conservative
8. Romantic
9. Funny
10. Religious


The result of the quiz was quite spot on. Then I realised that she possesses most of the desired qualites. All except for her being shy. She's quite an out going person but she's quite a mysterious one as well. It might sound odd but given that 1 year we've been together, I didn't learn much about her including her family background and where she lives back here in Malaysia. Its not that I never took the interest and initiative to find out from her, its just that she doesn't want to tell me. She hides a lot of secrets within herself and she doesn't share it with anybody at all. Literally NO ONE. Not even to her own family and friends, let alone me. It might seem that she's my type but sadly she doesn't feel the same way. That's why terms like "a match made in heaven" or "a fairy tale couple" are just fucking overrated and a whole lot of bullshit.

Yesterday, we chatted on MSN. Its the first time in a very long while since we actually had a proper conversation without any strain or tension. I have to admit, our conversation this time gave me comfort. Before I knew it, I was asking her out already. She asked me where are we going but I told her anywhere since I've not plan anything yet. Knowing her, if I don't ask her again, she assumes that I'll be asking casually without any intensions of going out with her. She's not those kind who would pursue or give chase. After giving much thought into it, I figured out that I should just fuck it and acted like nothing happened or else I risk inflicting a major blow to my efforts in mending my broken heart.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Behind the shadows

A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen

What a way to cap things off. A badly sprained ankle that still hurts like hell coupled with a flu and sore throat that makes my body feel like crap. Nevertheless, it didn't deter me from having a great week and it'll definitely won't deter me from having a great weekend. But I guess I've only got a ticket that's only valid for this week. Once the festive season is over, I'm back to prison shit hole. I'm dreading to see the light of day for the whole of next week. Everyone will be working and will have no time for me again. Why can't I have friends who're not working?Anyone out there who's not working yet?Any takers?

I have a close mate whom shall remain anonymous, dated a lot of girls and would strike everyone as a player. He has other girls on the side but deep down inside, his heart is only for one girl whom he dated once a long time ago during his high school days and this girl shall remain anonymous as well. Last Friday night, an unexpected event unfolded. We went to catch a movie at GSC in 1Utama and we bumped into her with another guy!I could see it in his eyes that he was filled with disappointment and other feelings that I couldn't translate. Then he started asking questions like what do we think of him and things like that. It just gives me the impression that he was somewhat projecting a little bit of jealousy. It felt like he was going through a silent depression the whole night. In a separate situation, another close mate of mine whom is ranked under the same person mentioned above, is going through this phase as well. About one and a half years ago, he broke off with his girlfriend for 4 years. They were actually planning on getting married. He thought that this girl was the one so he resented all his partying ways and his wild habits to choose a more domesticated lifesytle. He met this girl who hails from France whilst as a student in the UK. Upon graduation, he came back to Malaysia with her to settle down. At one stage, things were going so well for them. They were living on their own, planning to buy a house together, planning for their wedding and many more. An unexpected turn of event took place and everything that they've planned for disappeared into thin air. He moved back to his parent's place while she moved into an apartment provided by the company she was working for. He was literally left in the dark with no answers and no reasons while she left to France for good. She didn't even give him a chance to say goodbye. Poor soul. After that incident, things were never the same for him again.

From what I've gathered, they might look tough from the outside but from the inside, they're just as vulnerable as I am. No doubt they're my close mates and seeing them this way isn't something to be desired. I can understand the angle from which they're coming from as I myself am experiencing what they're going through and its not a pleseant feeling. I try my very best just to be tough when I'm out there and given the current group of friends that I hang out with, they do make things easier for me. For that, I really thank God for I've been blessed with such friends. AMEN to that!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Sleepless in DJ

Love has always been a game, but some people change the rules too much!

It has been a sleepless weekend for me. My sleeping habits are getting from bad to worse. On Friday night, I had a little to drink with my old high school mates. It was 1 of their b'day. I went home at around 2am and lazed around the house and slept at 5am. Before I knew it, I woke up at 8am! I started my day as normal. Then later on Saturday night, I had a BBQ to attend. Again, had a little bit too much to drink and I've actually passed out for bout an hour before going home at 4am. Reached home just to find myself wide awake. I tried to get some sleep but I couldn't. So I just went along with my day. In the end, I slept at 4am on Monday morning. I had the best sleep in like days. I slept for 13 hours straight. I thought maybe that night was an alcohol free night so that could be the reason why I slept so long but I'm still awake now. I might be having insomnia due to the fact that sub-consciously I fear that I'll have dreams and visions about her when I sleep?Since we broke up, I've been having dreams with her playing the leading role in it far too often. Often enough to drive my emotions to the brink of insanity. As of late, I feel like I'm losing grip of reality; losing grip of my life; losing grip of my sanity; losing grip of my consciousness; losing grip of everything that makes me, ME! As time flutters by, instead of gettting better, I'm actually slipping deeper into the vast abyss of void she left behind, only to be surrounded by grief, depression and sorrow. I'm losing my mind and myself.

I've tried very hard to forget her and move on. I keep telling myself what so special about her?When I look back to the beginning I think of her smile. I think of how for a moment life was worthwhile. I think of the way I held her hand, kissed her softly, and could always understand. I think of the day she looked at me and our eyes met. These are the things I'll never forget. But now when I see my reflection and I look into my own eyes, I think of how I lost her. How we lost each other. I just can't describe this feeling I felt when I'm was with her, or even when her name is mentioned. There's just this 'thing' between us...it was only one sided, but I still felt it. I wish I could describe how I felt when I was looking into her eyes. I wish I could describe how I lose myself when I see her. I wish I could descibe how I just want nothing more than to kiss her. If I could only have one wish, it would simply be for me to hold her. I wish I could describe how I felt when she was in my life. I know I can't describe it, but I know I felt it, and I know it's real. I want to get the feeling back that I had when I was with her. I know I'd do anything to make all this pain disappear.

I'm just frustrated cause I can't tell if its real. I'm mad cause I don't know how she feels. I'm just upset cause we can't make it right. I'm sad cause I think of her all the time. I'm angry cause she wont take my hand. I'm agrivated cause she doesn't understand and I'm dissappointed cause we can't be together.

Love is just the same old story that everybody knows, one heart holding on...and the other letting go