Sleepless in DJ
Love has always been a game, but some people change the rules too much!
It has been a sleepless weekend for me. My sleeping habits are getting from bad to worse. On Friday night, I had a little to drink with my old high school mates. It was 1 of their b'day. I went home at around 2am and lazed around the house and slept at 5am. Before I knew it, I woke up at 8am! I started my day as normal. Then later on Saturday night, I had a BBQ to attend. Again, had a little bit too much to drink and I've actually passed out for bout an hour before going home at 4am. Reached home just to find myself wide awake. I tried to get some sleep but I couldn't. So I just went along with my day. In the end, I slept at 4am on Monday morning. I had the best sleep in like days. I slept for 13 hours straight. I thought maybe that night was an alcohol free night so that could be the reason why I slept so long but I'm still awake now. I might be having insomnia due to the fact that sub-consciously I fear that I'll have dreams and visions about her when I sleep?Since we broke up, I've been having dreams with her playing the leading role in it far too often. Often enough to drive my emotions to the brink of insanity. As of late, I feel like I'm losing grip of reality; losing grip of my life; losing grip of my sanity; losing grip of my consciousness; losing grip of everything that makes me, ME! As time flutters by, instead of gettting better, I'm actually slipping deeper into the vast abyss of void she left behind, only to be surrounded by grief, depression and sorrow. I'm losing my mind and myself.
I've tried very hard to forget her and move on. I keep telling myself what so special about her?When I look back to the beginning I think of her smile. I think of how for a moment life was worthwhile. I think of the way I held her hand, kissed her softly, and could always understand. I think of the day she looked at me and our eyes met. These are the things I'll never forget. But now when I see my reflection and I look into my own eyes, I think of how I lost her. How we lost each other. I just can't describe this feeling I felt when I'm was with her, or even when her name is mentioned. There's just this 'thing' between us...it was only one sided, but I still felt it. I wish I could describe how I felt when I was looking into her eyes. I wish I could describe how I lose myself when I see her. I wish I could descibe how I just want nothing more than to kiss her. If I could only have one wish, it would simply be for me to hold her. I wish I could describe how I felt when she was in my life. I know I can't describe it, but I know I felt it, and I know it's real. I want to get the feeling back that I had when I was with her. I know I'd do anything to make all this pain disappear.
I'm just frustrated cause I can't tell if its real. I'm mad cause I don't know how she feels. I'm just upset cause we can't make it right. I'm sad cause I think of her all the time. I'm angry cause she wont take my hand. I'm agrivated cause she doesn't understand and I'm dissappointed cause we can't be together.
Love is just the same old story that everybody knows, one heart holding on...and the other letting go
It has been a sleepless weekend for me. My sleeping habits are getting from bad to worse. On Friday night, I had a little to drink with my old high school mates. It was 1 of their b'day. I went home at around 2am and lazed around the house and slept at 5am. Before I knew it, I woke up at 8am! I started my day as normal. Then later on Saturday night, I had a BBQ to attend. Again, had a little bit too much to drink and I've actually passed out for bout an hour before going home at 4am. Reached home just to find myself wide awake. I tried to get some sleep but I couldn't. So I just went along with my day. In the end, I slept at 4am on Monday morning. I had the best sleep in like days. I slept for 13 hours straight. I thought maybe that night was an alcohol free night so that could be the reason why I slept so long but I'm still awake now. I might be having insomnia due to the fact that sub-consciously I fear that I'll have dreams and visions about her when I sleep?Since we broke up, I've been having dreams with her playing the leading role in it far too often. Often enough to drive my emotions to the brink of insanity. As of late, I feel like I'm losing grip of reality; losing grip of my life; losing grip of my sanity; losing grip of my consciousness; losing grip of everything that makes me, ME! As time flutters by, instead of gettting better, I'm actually slipping deeper into the vast abyss of void she left behind, only to be surrounded by grief, depression and sorrow. I'm losing my mind and myself.
I've tried very hard to forget her and move on. I keep telling myself what so special about her?When I look back to the beginning I think of her smile. I think of how for a moment life was worthwhile. I think of the way I held her hand, kissed her softly, and could always understand. I think of the day she looked at me and our eyes met. These are the things I'll never forget. But now when I see my reflection and I look into my own eyes, I think of how I lost her. How we lost each other. I just can't describe this feeling I felt when I'm was with her, or even when her name is mentioned. There's just this 'thing' between us...it was only one sided, but I still felt it. I wish I could describe how I felt when I was looking into her eyes. I wish I could describe how I lose myself when I see her. I wish I could descibe how I just want nothing more than to kiss her. If I could only have one wish, it would simply be for me to hold her. I wish I could describe how I felt when she was in my life. I know I can't describe it, but I know I felt it, and I know it's real. I want to get the feeling back that I had when I was with her. I know I'd do anything to make all this pain disappear.
I'm just frustrated cause I can't tell if its real. I'm mad cause I don't know how she feels. I'm just upset cause we can't make it right. I'm sad cause I think of her all the time. I'm angry cause she wont take my hand. I'm agrivated cause she doesn't understand and I'm dissappointed cause we can't be together.
Love is just the same old story that everybody knows, one heart holding on...and the other letting go
depression hits supa_jock at 3:13 AM
3 Comments:
chikitek, chikitek...
u have to be more like allenkor. the only time he will be alone is when he is goin to bed at nite, dats when he is all tired and sleepy from hanging out with his customers and friends, whether dakei or whatnot, that is if he doesnt passout la. dat dont count ok?
i think if u spend more time outta the house, less time alone, your condition should improve la. ini tiap tiap hari lu duduk kat rumah, dari pagi sampai malam, gelap hingga terang, macam nie, misti hailat la. Like Zaidi said..."CONTROL IS KEY". You got no control, you gonna kena www.hailat.com.my/dj for a long time la fren.
IF you dont try to help yourself, no one can help you. You wanna go see a shrink? Are your parents aware of your condition? Have you talked to them about this? Are they concerned of your condition? If you think you are really having difficulty in coping with the situation, you really need to get help.
Unless you deliberately throw yourself back into oblivion and indulge yourself in self pity, this is gonna do you no good at all. With this kinda of mental state, how to concentrate on your future responsibilities when you get a job? U cant sleep properly, it would be hard for you to gauge your balance for decisions. Continue like this, www.hailat.com.my/dj/no27.
Yeah, its easy for me to say cuz im not you. I might not be able to gauge your level of emotional duress. Maybe its like coming down on Es kinda depression x100? i dunno, but i know its not fun la.
Haha, sorry for the spam, ive got nothing better to do and i have another 7.5 hours to kill till im done here...
stop being a wuss.
go on a rebound or something.
shag some underage chick.
just get out there more often.
damn kao emo until i feel damn pissed off reading all this bullcrap.
I think I've been way above myself. Been going out too much and doing too much despite my current condition (a sprained ankle and a flu with cough) and sleeping way too less to maximise my going out time. Was out partying earlier on despite having those conditions. Feeling like crap now. Need to rest!Need to recover fast!Don't want to turn women off with me attempting to sniff my mucus away or coughing while trying to chat them up
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