Conflict in conformity

Nothing hurts more than realising she meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to her

I've been hibernating within the four walls of my house for the past 2 days trying recuperate from this flu, cough and sore throat that had been bestowed upon me. Yesterday, I was actually feeling much better after having the much needed rest and with the adequate medication but when I was about to recover, I went over to one of my mate's place to have drinks. He was feeling really down and depressed over the same reason mentioned from my last posting. Yes its was the mate of mine who's ex is the french girl. I had vodka while he had whiskey. By the end of the night, we finished 1/4 of a bottle each. To my surprise, I wasn't really feeling high but rather feeling stoned. After drinking till bout 3am I came home and watched a little bit of TV and slept. The next day when I woke up, I felt even worse then before. I was coughing relentlessly, my flu was worse and my throat was sore like hell. My body felt like it had taken a serious beating. My limps were aching and my body was feeling lethargic. I was feeling crappy and I realised that I shouldn't do what I did last night after reading the instructions for my medication:

When administered concomitantly with alcohol, loratadine has no potentiating effects as measured by psychomotor performance studies.

While I was casually surfing on the net, I decided to do some random quiz to see what qualities I look for in the opposite sex that attracts me. The result is as below;

Your dating personality profile:
Outgoing - You can liven up any party. You've got a way with people and have little difficulty charming your dates.
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left- leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile:
Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw her out of her shell and get to know what she is all about.
Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind.

Your Top Ten Match Traits
1. Practical
2. Shy
3. Intellectual
4. Traditional
5. Big-Hearted
6. Athletic
7. Conservative
8. Romantic
9. Funny
10. Religious

The result of the quiz was quite spot on. Then I realised that she possesses most of the desired qualites. All except for her being shy. She's quite an out going person but she's quite a mysterious one as well. It might sound odd but given that 1 year we've been together, I didn't learn much about her including her family background and where she lives back here in Malaysia. Its not that I never took the interest and initiative to find out from her, its just that she doesn't want to tell me. She hides a lot of secrets within herself and she doesn't share it with anybody at all. Literally NO ONE. Not even to her own family and friends, let alone me. It might seem that she's my type but sadly she doesn't feel the same way. That's why terms like "a match made in heaven" or "a fairy tale couple" are just fucking overrated and a whole lot of bullshit.

Yesterday, we chatted on MSN. Its the first time in a very long while since we actually had a proper conversation without any strain or tension. I have to admit, our conversation this time gave me comfort. Before I knew it, I was asking her out already. She asked me where are we going but I told her anywhere since I've not plan anything yet. Knowing her, if I don't ask her again, she assumes that I'll be asking casually without any intensions of going out with her. She's not those kind who would pursue or give chase. After giving much thought into it, I figured out that I should just fuck it and acted like nothing happened or else I risk inflicting a major blow to my efforts in mending my broken heart.