It might have been.....

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been'

I opened myself up and let it all out. I told her everything because I had no doubts but now I'm left with nothing because she didnt feel the same. All I have is a broken heart and I feel I'm the one to be blamed. I had the chance to turn things around for the better but instead things has taken its toll for the worse all due to my poor judgement clouded by ego and pride. If only I had been more understanding and more forgiving then we, I would not be stuck in this cruel and painful predicament. We would still be happy like old times.

I seriously don't know what's lurking in her mind. Whenever I mention anything about "us" she tends to deviate from the topic eventhough I had no intentions of discussing the "us" matter. The other day I told her that I'm willing to let it all go if she's happy with the way she is and the way things are at its current state. Her reply was "ok ok....I don't understand what you're trying to say...hahaha..I wanna go to bed now....I ttyl..nites"

Whenever I tell her how I feel and things like that, her reply would be only "ok ok". I don't want to bombard her with my personal issues anymore. I know it'll only push her further away from me that's why I've stopped doing it already. Everyone needs some time on their own. I want to be happy because she's happy. But how can I be happy knowing I'm not the one making her smile?

Whenever I think I'm standing strong, she somehow manage to pull me back down. Nothing hurts more than realising she meant everything to me, but I meant nothing to her. My mates told me to go out and have fun. Find a rebound girl or another person to replace her. Call me naive or conservative or call me anything you want but I just can't bring myself to do that. Its unfair to treat innocent women in that manner as if they were emotionless beings just to feed my own selfish gains. In the first place, they were not the reason why I'm stuck in this predicament. I do believe in karma. Do not do onto others as you would not have others do onto you. Then again, another mate of mine asked me a question that really made some sense. "What did I do to deserve what I've gotten from my previous 2 relationships?". Well I guess its true when they say "Good guys finish last" cos I'm the living example that good guys DO finish last.

Whenever I see couples on the street doing PDAs, holding hands or just messing around, the situation spurred me to reminisce our days together and I start imagining how things might have been if I didn't fall from grace on that fateful day. I always pray at that moment and ask God if only I can be like that. The touch and the hold of her hands are as if the spaces between my fingers were created so that she could fill them in or the touch of her lips sends me into an endless bliss or the stare from her eyes, loses me in innumerable memories, thus forgetting the world behind me or her smile which is like a sunshine to my soul. Kisses without her hugs or her hugs without kisses are like flowers without the fragrance.

I'm here without her but she's still on my lonely mind. I think about her and I dream about her all the time. I miss her a little, I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day. I've tried so hard to tell myself that she's gone but she still has all of me.

The hardest thing in life isn't finding the one you love, its making the one you love....love you back