Letting go might be a good idea after all

to leave me, to loathe me, to ignore me, I will deal. but what do I do with this love?

Slightly more then a month has passed since we broke up but I still love her and miss her very much despite of all the pain and suffering she has put me through...I was searching for answer all along...answers to what made her have a change of heart, what should I do now and many more...but the main question is what do I do with this love?

I know I just can't sit back and drown in this suffering pain which is so counter-productive...something needs to be done...I decided to let my emotions and mental judgement to battle it out for a conclusion...after countless days of confusion, soul searching and heartwrenching evaluation, I concluded that this love was given to her in the first place and it was exclusively for her only

I read countless websites and blogs for answers...I needed to know what are the chances of winning this battle and from which angle I should approach...whilst I was surfing, I stumbled across this article which brought up some very interesting issues

Relationships don't always work out the way we want. Sometimes relationships become so painful that somebody wants to leave. If this happens to you, and if you want the other person to stay, how you handle yourself now becomes very important. Usually we push the person further away. If you want someone to stay, you need to create an environment where the person will want to be with you. So far you haven't done this. If you had, the person wouldn't want to leave. Now maybe you can turn your relationship around and get back together.

It's been done before. Maybe your time together is over and nothing can be done. Maybe it's just too late. You can't force someone to want you. All you can do is treat the person in a way that will have her enjoy being with you. The key to having someone enjoy being with you is to make sure the person feels special. You do this in two ways:

Make sure the person feels loved, accepted and appreciated just the way she is. Give the person his or her freedom. The more you are willing for someone to go, the more you create an environment where he or she can enjoy being with you. This in turn increases the chances of the person wanting to stay.

When you hang on to someone, you do the opposite. You create an environment where the person feels controlled and suffocated. You force the person to fight for breathing room. Hanging on doesn't make someone want to stay. Hanging on makes the person want to leave. Hanging on also destroys your aliveness and mental well-being. You become consumed by fear and upset. You get tunnel vision and you interact in a way that makes your situation worse. So, for the sake of your relationship and your sanity, let the person go. Stop hanging on.

To do this, you need to be willing for the person to leave. You don't have to like it or want it to happen. When you become willing, you release the resistance that creates the fear and the upset. You set yourself free and you become far more effective in handling your situation. By letting go of your demands for how life should be, you can flow with the way life is. You can then see what needs to be done.

Letting someone go is a state of mind and has nothing to do with your actions. It certainly doesn't mean kick the person out. Letting go is what releases the fear and upset so that you can see what action you need to take. In your heart, be willing for the person to go, but in your actions, do everything you can to create an environment where the other person feels so loved and appreciated that he or she would never want to leave.

To let go, give the person full permission to leave. You can practice this by saying the following words:

"I give you permission to leave, to be gone from my life forever. I don't want you to go, but I want you to be happy. If you have to leave, I understand. You have my love and my blessings whatever you do. I let you go."

If you can say this and mean it, you have set yourself free. If you have any hesitation, keep saying this over and over. Imagine the person being in front of you, and give her permission to go. Allow yourself to feel the hurt. Keep saying these words until you can do so without the hurt. By giving the person freedom to leave, she will feel free of your grasp and will have less reason to avoid you. This makes it easier for the person to stay.

Of course!why didn't I think of that?this article really got my juices going...What I was doing so far was sort of like going through the same direction but without proper guidelines...this article really opened up my mind to perspectives that I've never thought of venturing into especially coming from this angle..its a long shot but since I've got nothing to lose, its worth a try