Still the one

I hate the way you talk to me, I hate it when you stare and I hate the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you

She came back last Sunday from Australia. I received a SMS from her thanking me for the flowers I've sent her and mentioned that they were nice as well. Later that night we communicated through MSN. She wanted her old HP back..at first I told her that I don't think that we should meet up because I don't think I'm ready yet but she kept insisting that she wants it back by tomorrow...she did asked me to return it before she left for Australia because she wanted to use that HP for her Australian number but it didn't materialise...this time she told me that she wanted the HP back because her mom needs to use it...anyhow, she hustled and pressured me to return it to her despite knowing how I felt...in the end I caved in and agreed to her demands...I told her to call me the next day to make arrangements and to see whether I can accomodate it or not...the following day, I was out with my friends at the cybercafe gaming away....she called me and told me she's around the vicinity of my area...then I told her that she was suppose to call me earlier to make arrangements...then she said "I'm calling you now right?"..then I told her straight that I'm not free right now..then she shouted "Nevermind!!" and slammed the phone down on me...few minutes later she called me and asked me to stop playing for a while and she'll pick me up from the cybercafe to go over my place to collect it....after collecting it, she'll send me back to the cybercafe...I told her that I'm not free right now but I offered to bring it over to her house later in the night...she shouted at me saying "what's the difference??I'm already here!aiyah!anything la" and she slammed the phone down on me again....About an hour later, she called me again. I told her I was out which was true, and I told her that I'll go over her place to pass it to her...for some apparent reason that puzzles me, she doesn't seem to want me to know where she lives...she asked me to call her before coming and told me to come before 11pm...I was running late and I called her to tell her that I'm on my way...I asked her for her current location and she told me that she was home...so I drove all the way to section 14 and called her again for more detailed directions...she directed me to another area which was so far off section 14...when I arrived, I figured it was pretty much her friend's place and not hers. There she was....standing there waiting for me...I couldn't look her straight in her eyes...as I passed her the HP, I took a glance at her..it only took that glance to send my world crashing down before my feet just like how the buildings came tumbling down when terror strucked the World Trade Center in the US on that fateful day...I hate her for being so insensitive, unreasonable and selfish..why would she want to hurt me even more on purpose despite knowing how hurt I already am?What have I ever done to her to deserve this kind of treatment?All I did was to love her more then life itself...is loving her a crime?

On the contrary, after all that has been said and done, I still love her a lot despite what she did to me...it didn't diminish my feelings I have for her. I don't understand why.Maybe its because my heart has reasons that reason itself don't understand. Grief drove me into habits of serious reflection, sharpened understanding and softened my heart. She's still the biggest part of me..I still think about her, I still dream about her, I still want her and need her by my side...all I wanted was her...she's still the one...If only I have one wish...I would wish upon the stars....I would wish that she would take the time to lay it on the line and only then, I can rest my head just knowing that she's mine...in my heart, she'll remain as my immortal...an immortal who has all of me

Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Love has its victories, but it takes brave men to win them.