Revisited

The thinker dies, but his thoughts are beyond the reach of destruction. Men are mortal but their thoughts are immortal

I've been pretty caught up with heaps of things lately. Firstly since Chinese New Year is around the corner, so work just keeps on piling up. Secondly, my younger brother just finished his studies and got back from Australia so been busy spending time with him as he's going to leave to Europe this coming Friday to do some survey and research on post-graduate studies there.

The last weekend was quite slow and quiet for me, besides the fact that last Friday I was half drunk from attending a birthday dinner with heaps of wine at Opus (Bangsar), a short mini gethering with old Perth-ling friends (TSB) and a farewell party filled with heaps of beer and liquor (Bar Flam)!That night was just very nostalgic as I met up and catch up with friends whom I haven't seen in ages!This is what they had to say to me:

• OMG!What happen to you?Why so macho now (Refering to my facial hair)?What happened to the cute-cute little boy look back in high school! -_-'
• We were just talking bout you during NYE. L **** (her name) asked bout you and she was wondering how you would look like now. I had a pic of you in my HP so I showed it to her. (The pic was taken end 2002)
• Wow!You lost a lot of weight!

Went home early though. We (me and my brother) had to go down to Ipoh the next day (under me old man's orders). Haven't seen our grandmotherS (with a "S") since we got back so its high time we pay them a visit. Since I broke up, I would ideally prefer to avoid my relatives, especially the older ones. You know the thing bout relatives is that they can't believe that you've all grown up and working. Then they start showing interest in your pre-quarter life by asking you bout your job. And comes the question I've been dreading to hear, let alone answer (The reason I hate confronting them in my current emotional state):

"So do you have a girlfriend?" OR "Dating/seeing anyone?"

Looking back, I've been indulging in a lot of things that I wouldn't be proud of until recently I've decided to opt for a more subtle lifestyle. I have to stop all these nonsense. I feel its not doing me any good plus the fact that these foreign substances amplifies my depression to a different level. Paranoia and depression overwhelms, fear and anxiety consumes, sanity and reality crumbling. Almost everything I see, touch or feel with my five senses reminds me of her or somehow relates to her, even trivial things. Times when my thoughts drift into blank space, I've developed a habit of talking to myself. To makes matters worse, my dreams of her has been going on a daily basis. Its getting more chronic. I'm trying very hard to get my act back together. I've joined the gym at 1 Utama and I've started looking for other jobs which I feel would really suit me. In fact, I've gone for an interview last Thursday! I was told that according to the chinese horoscope, people in the year of the Rooster will enjoy good luck by abundance this new year*. Keeping my fingers crossed.......
*The year of the dog only takes effect after CNY according to the chinese lunar calendar